Shelter

Watch me fall apart.
I scream it in your face.
I’ll run away from you.
I can dare to be
All that I should fear.
I feel the darkness press
All above, around,
And then below,
As everything drops away.
But surely, though I cringe, I’m free.
I cling to lies, all the lies,
But gravity fails me,
And things I thought so solid
Float along with me,
Foundationless, all.
Pride stands tall
And beats me to show
A strength I do not have.
Screams don’t make a sound
But they hurt my throat,
And bitter is my mind,
And bitter is my soul.
Curling up into a ball
To hide from this whole world
That I’m afraid to love,
Afraid to hate.
Dark and stifling
Is the air,
Too strange
And too familiar all.
A dark shell crushing me.
And then you grab my hand,
And all else blows away
In a shock of light,
Fresh air.
Blinded, fall on my face
On solid ground.
What solid ground?
I don’t know -- yours.
And for all the terror I expect,
All I fear just now
Is the hope I want to feel.
You touch me again.
I tremble, alive,
But I can’t breathe.
You lift up my chin.
Tears flow from my eyes.
Your gentleness terrifies me,
Because I cannot understand it,
And a love that gives so much,
That penetrates such darkness,
Has power above all.
I cannot breathe,
For I cannot fathom
That you are not a lie,
That a thousand years from now,
There’ll be little enough change.
I may abandon you,
But you will bring
Me back again.
My heart is overwhelmed
And shudders and bursts
Trying to feel too much,
Trying to feel the fear
And the safety all at once
Of such a love
That treats the one who spits on it
Like a precious child.
One last struggle,
Still holding my breath.
Then I give up on it all
With a sigh
And collapse
At rest.
For there is no safer
Place to be
Than in the keeping
Of that which is
Most to be feared
And most to be trusted.